Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
