i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dignity is for republicans.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
