Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
