i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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