ya dads aren't the best wingmen
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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