Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
