YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
barbara walters just said penis...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
