Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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