It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
