I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
