have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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