There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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