I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
