First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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