why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
