Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
