Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
