just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
