Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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