I wish I could punch you in the face.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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