he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
