so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i came on her dog
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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