her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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