i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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