Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
