omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
