Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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