Kiss
Puke
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
