I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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