That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
