Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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