The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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