how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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