WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
