Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
