Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
