The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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