He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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