i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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