LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
