How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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