just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
