ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
