Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
