and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
