It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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