Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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