Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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