I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
