Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
