I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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