Porn is love you can see.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
