The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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