For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
