i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
