Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
that may or may not have been my penis.
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